So in reality today was a “FML!!!!!” shitty day. But how is it that I am still in pretty good spirits? Yes, I will probably take back my words when I realize how much I am going to have to pay when I find out the damages to my car, but still, I don’t know what has exactly put me in a not bad mood. Well maybe I know the answer, but I can’t believe something so little can make me so content.

I woke up seeing that my ceiling is probably ready to cave in on me at any moment, and freaked out. It might not be actually as bad as it is in my head, but I am paranoid and am kind of afraid to sleep in my bed. So I had decided that I may want to sleep in my sister’s room. Then I had texted a certain someone about this, and then although we had originally cancelled plans to go to lunch today, he made some time and we went.

This is the little thing that seemed to have brightened my day. It has been a long time since I spent some time with him. Last week I was so frustrated that he had been growing distant from me, and neglecting me emotionally and sexually. But he has had a lot going on with his own life, which I understand. This is when it made me realize how much I had let myself become emotionally dependent upon him. It has been a year now since we have been seeing each other. We have no title for our relationship, and it causes me much frustration and heartache, but I won’t let him go because he means the world to me. And finally being able to just spend time with him made me feel so great. Just a little of time with him, and him caring about me. It’s the thing that is right.

Last week when I came to the realization that I need to be okay with myself in order to be okay with the other things that go on in my life. A lot of it was about him. I need to be okay with being by myself to appreciate the time and the things I have with him. He is one of my closest friends, someone who gives me honest feedback. And when I felt like I was loosing that, I felt the ground underneath me was crushing. I have been in this position before, and I am not good with handling it. But this is why it is important for me to be happy with myself. And I think a something clicked in my brain last week with this realization. And did something out of my comfort zone, which I know is going to benefit me greatly. This is why I think I was so happy to just spend a little time with one of my bestest friends. I need to be okay with just being friends with him and stop expecting more. Stop expecting myself to be more special then the next person to him. Just know it. I am more significant. I mean a lot to him, and he opens up to me more then anyone else. He has only me to lean on when he wants to. I can’t expect someone who has such emotional boundaries to just break them down. I can’t fight him to open up to me. I need to show him that if he wants to he can, but its okay for him not to if he doesn’t.

Anyways, back to the shit day. So while I was driving home, my car is starting to act up and the malfunction lamp comes on. Of coarse. But I did make it home safely. So I call my dad and he said he would be home shortly so I stayed inside. Then he comes home around an hour after I arrive home, and he tells me to go outside with him. Then THEN, we see that my car had been hit. This was not there before I was home because I opened the hood of my car when I got home, not that I would know what to look at, but I would have noticed such a dent on the side of my car. So someone hit my car and ran. And I can’t drive my car. I had to inconvenience my sister to drive home from her school 30 minutes away so I can use her car for the week.

Right when I was in a good mood this sort of stuff has to happen. Yes, it could be worse. But it just all piled on in one day, which was mean to be my day of relaxation. Gotta appreciate what I have I guess. And the friendships that I want to hold dear.

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